Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
The President's Education Speech
I am NOT letting my kids listen to that communist brainwashing tomorrow. For that matter, I am not letting them be subjected to the invasive mind control of arithmetic or reading or science either. Who does he think he is? How dare he encourage my children, whom he doesn't even know, to stay in school, value education, and work hard at their studies so that they become productive members of his socialist/communist/elitist society.
Let me remove my tongue from my cheek to reflect...
Isn't the backlash and outrage of the numbskulls opposed to the speech evidence of the very need for a speech like this in the first place? Ignorance is the biggest threat to our democracy and society in general. Wake up, America!
Thank you, Mr. President, for caring and for showing leadership on perhaps the most important issue to ensure a high quality of life, pride in being an American, and most importantly, pursuit of what it means to be human.
Let me remove my tongue from my cheek to reflect...
Isn't the backlash and outrage of the numbskulls opposed to the speech evidence of the very need for a speech like this in the first place? Ignorance is the biggest threat to our democracy and society in general. Wake up, America!
Thank you, Mr. President, for caring and for showing leadership on perhaps the most important issue to ensure a high quality of life, pride in being an American, and most importantly, pursuit of what it means to be human.
Friday, May 1, 2009
At Least My Allergies Will Be Gone...
I recently saw an ad in TIME for Veramyst that went like this...
“VERAMYST is the one medicine approved to treat both seasonal nasal symptoms, like sneezing, itchy, stuffy, runny nose, and seasonal eye symptoms, like red, watery, itchy eyes.”
The tagline is “VERAMYST for your seasonal allergies. One for all.” Whatever “one for all” means. Maybe it’s the official allergy medicine of the Three Musketeers or something. (I didn't realize they were allergy sufferers. I'm guessing it was Aramis since his name is close to 'Veramyst' and maybe for "one for all" refers to the last question in Slumdog for all the money, the answer to which was Aramis...sorry to spoil it for those who haven't seen it.)
The ad continues—this is my favorite part—“Important Information about VERAMYST: Side effects include nosebleed, nasal sores, or nasal fungal infection.”
WTF???!!!
Nasal sores?! Nasal fungal infection??!! How bad do your allergies have to be to be willing to risk nasal fungal infection?!
There’s more… “Eye problems including glaucoma or cataracts may occur, so have regular eye exams." OMG! I'm just trying to treat a runny nose and scratchy throat here. With these potential side effects, I'd rather catch H1N1! How would a nasal spray harm your eyes?
Then I read further... "Do not spray in eyes.” Oh, that's how. If you spray it in your eyes, instant glaucoma or cataracts. (And Lennon warned us that instant karma was going to get us.) If I had red, itchy, watery eyes, the last thing I'd think of doing is spraying something in them that's designed to go up my nose.
I wonder if mace even has such a warning. That would be ironic, wouldn't it? Maybe it says, "Don't spray in your own eyes. Instead, aim carefully at your assailant."
Three years of law school and 14 years of inactive California Bar membership and I'm still stupefied over how litigious a society we are and how the fear of lawsuits has commandeered common sense.
The ad concludes: “Maximum relief may take several days. Results may vary.” Read: Some of you may be blinded. The rest of you will have fungus-infected boogers. But it may take a week.
In the meantime, I'm gonna go inhale a potion of pollen, ragweed, dust mites and cat dander...
“VERAMYST is the one medicine approved to treat both seasonal nasal symptoms, like sneezing, itchy, stuffy, runny nose, and seasonal eye symptoms, like red, watery, itchy eyes.”
The tagline is “VERAMYST for your seasonal allergies. One for all.” Whatever “one for all” means. Maybe it’s the official allergy medicine of the Three Musketeers or something. (I didn't realize they were allergy sufferers. I'm guessing it was Aramis since his name is close to 'Veramyst' and maybe for "one for all" refers to the last question in Slumdog for all the money, the answer to which was Aramis...sorry to spoil it for those who haven't seen it.)
The ad continues—this is my favorite part—“Important Information about VERAMYST: Side effects include nosebleed, nasal sores, or nasal fungal infection.”
WTF???!!!
Nasal sores?! Nasal fungal infection??!! How bad do your allergies have to be to be willing to risk nasal fungal infection?!
There’s more… “Eye problems including glaucoma or cataracts may occur, so have regular eye exams." OMG! I'm just trying to treat a runny nose and scratchy throat here. With these potential side effects, I'd rather catch H1N1! How would a nasal spray harm your eyes?
Then I read further... "Do not spray in eyes.” Oh, that's how. If you spray it in your eyes, instant glaucoma or cataracts. (And Lennon warned us that instant karma was going to get us.) If I had red, itchy, watery eyes, the last thing I'd think of doing is spraying something in them that's designed to go up my nose.
I wonder if mace even has such a warning. That would be ironic, wouldn't it? Maybe it says, "Don't spray in your own eyes. Instead, aim carefully at your assailant."
Three years of law school and 14 years of inactive California Bar membership and I'm still stupefied over how litigious a society we are and how the fear of lawsuits has commandeered common sense.
The ad concludes: “Maximum relief may take several days. Results may vary.” Read: Some of you may be blinded. The rest of you will have fungus-infected boogers. But it may take a week.
In the meantime, I'm gonna go inhale a potion of pollen, ragweed, dust mites and cat dander...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
The Slumdog Effect?
Here we are two hours before the Oscars and once again, I'm neither hosting nor writing for it. Hosting would be unrealistic, but I wonder if writing could've been a reality had I stuck with my dream from 25 years ago...but that's a topic for another blog entry (or perhaps an entire book, not to mention a prospective lifetime of therapy).
I'm predicting Penn over Rourke for Best Actor. I think Rourke's winning the Golden Globe means the Academy will want to recognize Penn not only for his incredible portrayal of Harvey Milk, but also for his years of phenomenal performances, including Spicoli! I think Kate Winslet is a shoo-in for Best Actress, and it's not just because of her Oprah-approved natural breasts.
I'm feeling, like many experts, that Slumdog Millionaire could sweep the categories in which it's nominated, certainly: Best Film, Director, Editing, at least one of the Sound awards, score and original song. It's a brilliant movie, masterfully shot, convincingly acted, hypnotically scored. The story is compelling, with themes of looking for love and rooting for the underdog which are universal...or at least universally American.
Which leads me to wonder whether Slumdog Millionaire will do for interest in Indian culture and perhaps Indian film in America what Sideways did for wine and Pinot Noir.
Sideways served as a catalyst for interest in wine, especially Pinot Noir. Sales of Pinot and interest in wine generally--was already increasing when Sideways caught the nation's attention. But the film helped catapult wine more into the mainstream culture, and sales of Pinot in particular skyrocketed (while those of Merlot dropped off). It's amazing how, despite our having more information to make our own decisions, we still follow the lead of popular culture.
Indian culture, like wine, is on the rise in America. I just read that more than half the start-ups in Silicon Valley in the past 10 (?) years were started by Indians. Indian food, including restaurants specific regional Indian cuisines, is becoming more prevalent. I wonder if Slumdog Millionaire will help further mainstream American interest in Indian culture. It's further evidence of the rising influence of Asia in the U.S. So any glimpse we get into cultures about which we are less familiar is valuable for opening our eyes to a world beyond our own.
The parallel to increased interest in Pinot Noir would be increased interest in Indian film in the U.S. I don't necessarily think Slumdog will launch a wave of mainstream interest in Indian film. I don't believe Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon spawned significant interest in Chinese film, but it was emblematic of the rise of Chinese culture and influence in the U.S. and throughout the world.
Regardless of whether this film catalyzes a fuller interweaving of Indian culture into mainstream America, it's a masterpiece worth seeing.
I'm predicting Penn over Rourke for Best Actor. I think Rourke's winning the Golden Globe means the Academy will want to recognize Penn not only for his incredible portrayal of Harvey Milk, but also for his years of phenomenal performances, including Spicoli! I think Kate Winslet is a shoo-in for Best Actress, and it's not just because of her Oprah-approved natural breasts.
I'm feeling, like many experts, that Slumdog Millionaire could sweep the categories in which it's nominated, certainly: Best Film, Director, Editing, at least one of the Sound awards, score and original song. It's a brilliant movie, masterfully shot, convincingly acted, hypnotically scored. The story is compelling, with themes of looking for love and rooting for the underdog which are universal...or at least universally American.
Which leads me to wonder whether Slumdog Millionaire will do for interest in Indian culture and perhaps Indian film in America what Sideways did for wine and Pinot Noir.
Sideways served as a catalyst for interest in wine, especially Pinot Noir. Sales of Pinot and interest in wine generally--was already increasing when Sideways caught the nation's attention. But the film helped catapult wine more into the mainstream culture, and sales of Pinot in particular skyrocketed (while those of Merlot dropped off). It's amazing how, despite our having more information to make our own decisions, we still follow the lead of popular culture.
Indian culture, like wine, is on the rise in America. I just read that more than half the start-ups in Silicon Valley in the past 10 (?) years were started by Indians. Indian food, including restaurants specific regional Indian cuisines, is becoming more prevalent. I wonder if Slumdog Millionaire will help further mainstream American interest in Indian culture. It's further evidence of the rising influence of Asia in the U.S. So any glimpse we get into cultures about which we are less familiar is valuable for opening our eyes to a world beyond our own.
The parallel to increased interest in Pinot Noir would be increased interest in Indian film in the U.S. I don't necessarily think Slumdog will launch a wave of mainstream interest in Indian film. I don't believe Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon spawned significant interest in Chinese film, but it was emblematic of the rise of Chinese culture and influence in the U.S. and throughout the world.
Regardless of whether this film catalyzes a fuller interweaving of Indian culture into mainstream America, it's a masterpiece worth seeing.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
A New Social Networking Site
I’m still getting used to Facebook. The ability to reconnect with everybody you’ve ever met in your entire life is both remarkable and frightening. The life-affirming, kumbaya side of me finds it exciting to catch up with people you liked but lost track of through life’s vicissitudes, or even to apologize to people you once wronged and still feel guilty about hurting. It’s gratifying to know that friends and acquaintances are doing well. There are many people who have reappeared in my life—at least virtually—who give me warm feelings and make me smile.
But there’s a reason you haven’t been in touch with some of those people….life’s too short. The really cynical side of me says it’s a stalker’s paradise, a way to sidestep restraining orders and caller ID blocking.
…which made me think about a new social networking idea: Assbook.
I’m sure there’s a porn site that’s already glommed onto this name, but my idea doesn’t go down that path. Assbook is a social network site connecting everyone you’ve had the misfortune to know at some point in your life and thought, “what an asshole!”
Here’s a list of assholes you might know… Look, 74 other people think he’s an asshole, too!
Instead of friend requests, you have “asshole designations” so you can post the names of every shithead, douche-bag, jerk-off who ever: stole your toys, wrecked your sandcastle, spit at you, spited you, smiled at you then badmouthed you when you weren’t around, snapped you with a towel in the locker room, told you you weren’t good enough, put you down in front of your friends, cut you off on the freeway and then gave you the finger for honking, didn’t hold the door for you in a downpour when your hands were full carrying their stuff, took credit for something you did well and they had nothing to do with, blamed you for something they did wrong and you had nothing to do with, promised you a raise then didn’t recommend you for a promotion, gave you bad investment advice, told you they loved you then never called again.
Let’s see what this asshole’s doing right now…
Oh look, they’re writing all over your wall…the 2009 version of spray-painting your locker in 10th grade.
Personal interests: bullying, belittling, berating, beguiling, being priggish, prickish and punkish.
Of course, they love the “poke someone” feature. It’s something they’ve been doing to people’s chests or between people’s eyes all their life.
Instead of plain old “tagging,” there’s “antag-ing,” where they antagonize people by tagging them every few minutes with all kinds of stupid shit to clutter up their Assbook page. It’s a lot like Facebook in that way.
Go ahead and leave a comment like, “I see you’re still an asshole. In this topsy-turvy world, it’s good to know some things never change.”
But there’s a reason you haven’t been in touch with some of those people….life’s too short. The really cynical side of me says it’s a stalker’s paradise, a way to sidestep restraining orders and caller ID blocking.
…which made me think about a new social networking idea: Assbook.
I’m sure there’s a porn site that’s already glommed onto this name, but my idea doesn’t go down that path. Assbook is a social network site connecting everyone you’ve had the misfortune to know at some point in your life and thought, “what an asshole!”
Here’s a list of assholes you might know… Look, 74 other people think he’s an asshole, too!
Instead of friend requests, you have “asshole designations” so you can post the names of every shithead, douche-bag, jerk-off who ever: stole your toys, wrecked your sandcastle, spit at you, spited you, smiled at you then badmouthed you when you weren’t around, snapped you with a towel in the locker room, told you you weren’t good enough, put you down in front of your friends, cut you off on the freeway and then gave you the finger for honking, didn’t hold the door for you in a downpour when your hands were full carrying their stuff, took credit for something you did well and they had nothing to do with, blamed you for something they did wrong and you had nothing to do with, promised you a raise then didn’t recommend you for a promotion, gave you bad investment advice, told you they loved you then never called again.
Let’s see what this asshole’s doing right now…
Oh look, they’re writing all over your wall…the 2009 version of spray-painting your locker in 10th grade.
Personal interests: bullying, belittling, berating, beguiling, being priggish, prickish and punkish.
Of course, they love the “poke someone” feature. It’s something they’ve been doing to people’s chests or between people’s eyes all their life.
Instead of plain old “tagging,” there’s “antag-ing,” where they antagonize people by tagging them every few minutes with all kinds of stupid shit to clutter up their Assbook page. It’s a lot like Facebook in that way.
Go ahead and leave a comment like, “I see you’re still an asshole. In this topsy-turvy world, it’s good to know some things never change.”
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Glow of a New Day
I groggily emerged from my slumber. I knew it was the middle of the night, but I didn't want to look at the clock because once I do that, it's over, I'm up and thoughts begin to race around in my head. Maybe the coffee at dinner last night wasn't really decaf. Maybe it was the wine. Or the combination of the two. Or maybe it was the excitement of the new day dawning. Whatever the cause, I was up.
The clock reads 4:26. Grrr. Too early to get up and become more diligent with my blog. So I turn over the pillow, shift my body position and try to fall back to sleep. To no avail. I lay still and try to meditate, but I'm too antsy. I know coverage of the inauguration has begun, but I can't turn on the TV lest I wake my wife. I think about work, the economy, world events, and how my family will cope.
It's 5:13. Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb- Wait, that wasn't me. I do get out of bed and walk to the front of the house, which faces east. I see light in the sky. But why? It's only about a quarter-moon, I think. Sunrise is still two hours off. There aren't a lot of street lights. Yet there is light. Is this a sign? Am I just seeing the dawn of a new day because I want to see it? Maybe it doesn't matter.
I definitely cannot sleep now. I turn on the television. The kids rush in and join us in bed to witness the early festivities.
I watch throughout the morning, having postponed the start of my workday. I well up at the slightest provocation--a young child, an older Black woman or man, the smiles of the Obama daughters, Aretha's rendition of "My Country Tis of Thee." Half a box of tissues later, I wonder how I'm going to fulfill my role as citizen.
Then my mind drifts off to snarkiness and wonder... Was the first president Bush walking slowly with a cane because he had been helping Cheney pack up? What if the last (please, let him be the last!) president Bush forgot to provide a handicap accessible ramp and they had to wheel Cheney down the stairs...and then he went flying out of the chair over the side of the stands, like O.J. Simpson's character barreling down the aisle at the baseball stadium in Naked Gun? Could sales of Obama paraphrenalia alone bring us out of our financial doldrums? How could the Supreme Court Chief Justice screw up the 35-word oath of office? What if Mr. Obama had corrected him? Isn't that what the system of checks and balances is all about? Isn't it ironic that Roberts, who I assume is a strict constructionist, felt it was okay to deliver the spirit of the oath rather than the letter of it? Did the new president and First Lady escort the Bushes out to the helicopter to make sure they didn't linger in Washington? I was hoping that president Bush would be taken away in something that began with 'h'...but which ended in '-andcuffs'!
I'm too tired to reflect seriously and fully on the import, majesty and profundity of the day. I'll have to leave that for another day soon...
The clock reads 4:26. Grrr. Too early to get up and become more diligent with my blog. So I turn over the pillow, shift my body position and try to fall back to sleep. To no avail. I lay still and try to meditate, but I'm too antsy. I know coverage of the inauguration has begun, but I can't turn on the TV lest I wake my wife. I think about work, the economy, world events, and how my family will cope.
It's 5:13. Woke up. Got out of bed. Dragged a comb- Wait, that wasn't me. I do get out of bed and walk to the front of the house, which faces east. I see light in the sky. But why? It's only about a quarter-moon, I think. Sunrise is still two hours off. There aren't a lot of street lights. Yet there is light. Is this a sign? Am I just seeing the dawn of a new day because I want to see it? Maybe it doesn't matter.
I definitely cannot sleep now. I turn on the television. The kids rush in and join us in bed to witness the early festivities.
I watch throughout the morning, having postponed the start of my workday. I well up at the slightest provocation--a young child, an older Black woman or man, the smiles of the Obama daughters, Aretha's rendition of "My Country Tis of Thee." Half a box of tissues later, I wonder how I'm going to fulfill my role as citizen.
Then my mind drifts off to snarkiness and wonder... Was the first president Bush walking slowly with a cane because he had been helping Cheney pack up? What if the last (please, let him be the last!) president Bush forgot to provide a handicap accessible ramp and they had to wheel Cheney down the stairs...and then he went flying out of the chair over the side of the stands, like O.J. Simpson's character barreling down the aisle at the baseball stadium in Naked Gun? Could sales of Obama paraphrenalia alone bring us out of our financial doldrums? How could the Supreme Court Chief Justice screw up the 35-word oath of office? What if Mr. Obama had corrected him? Isn't that what the system of checks and balances is all about? Isn't it ironic that Roberts, who I assume is a strict constructionist, felt it was okay to deliver the spirit of the oath rather than the letter of it? Did the new president and First Lady escort the Bushes out to the helicopter to make sure they didn't linger in Washington? I was hoping that president Bush would be taken away in something that began with 'h'...but which ended in '-andcuffs'!
I'm too tired to reflect seriously and fully on the import, majesty and profundity of the day. I'll have to leave that for another day soon...
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